“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin,” lifelong organist, singer/songwriter Emma Killingbeck quoted the world-renowned words of Mother Theresa.
Killingbeck began swiftly pressing away at worn familiar keys, just as she had done on many Sundays past. Things have changed considerably over 80 years. She referenced the organ’s rusting foot pedals and sticking notes.
But her Catholic neighbors at Avery Square listened in peace, trusting Killingbeck to play out each remaining note with faithful ease. They sang along as she played one of her favorite hymns. Although not an original, its lyrics shed light on the faithful journeys of each listener’s “then to now.”
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost. But now I am found. Was blind. But now I see. ‘Twas grace, that taught my heart to fear. And, grace, my fears relieved. How precious did, that grace appear, the hour I first believed…”
Killingbeck spent 55 years travelling to hundreds of services and performing at well over a dozen churches.
“I was an organist all over the Eastern Upper Peninsula,” she said.
On this particular Thursday, Holy Name of Mary Proto-Cathedral’s Fr. Nick Thompson drove to Avery Square to conduct mass. They all prayed and broke bread together.
“I called Father Nick because people were asking me when we would have mass here again,” said Killingbeck. “Father Nick came to anoint me, before I had all my tests and surgery and stuff. I said, ‘We would really like to have mass. Father Sebastian Kavumkal used to do it. Could you, maybe?’ He got back with me and said, ‘Yes, I would be happy to.”
Fr. Nick's predecessor, Fr. Sebastian has been moved elsewhere but is sure to keep in touch with Killingbeck.
“He has been a real friend,” she said. I have known Fr. Sebastian for years. He was out at Our Lady of Snows and he was out at St. Mary’s for a longtime. I would ride to Sugar Island with him and play at Sacred Heart, until I had to have surgery and couldn’t go anymore. So, he would come here and do the mass.”
The Sault native continued to tell her own story of faith, reminiscing back to birth year 1941.
“I was not born Catholic,” said Killingbeck. “I always wanted to be. I am a convert. My next door neighbors were Polish Catholics and we used to play mass. We would dress up like sisters (nuns) and everything.”
Adopted at a young age, Killingbeck was not deaf to the musical talents passed down. She also felt a strong pull to her French Canadian Catholic heritage.
“When I was six or seven-years-old, in my neighborhood, we would get together to put on shows,” said Killingbeck. “We had high steps on my front porch. So, everyone would sit there and we would do our thing. Everybody was like, ‘How do you do that?’ I would say, ‘I don’t know.’ Because it would be the, ‘Laaa’ vibrato when I was only seven or something. So, I just continued to sing.”
One day, she came home from school after talking with a teacher about music lessons.
“Do we have a piano?” seven-year-old Killingbeck asked her parents to which they responded, “No.”
“Well, I am going to need one,” she boldly replied.
Killingbeck went on to place first in piano in the state solo and ensemble contest. She was just 13. It was around the time she learned to play violin
“I was second in the state for violin,” she said. “When I was 14 and 15-years-old, I was second chair in the Eastern Michigan University Civic Orchestra. For two years, I was second chair.”
Then, Killingbeck grew up. She married, divorced and remarried to deliver four boys into the world. They eventually grew into teenagers, allowing her the freedom to revisit those talents.
A little lost at times, Killingbeck found solace singing hymns of praise and worship in God’s many houses throughout Michigan and Wyoming.
Killingbeck was confirmed into the Catholic church in 1976. Her kids were baptized and confirmed as well.
“I went to St. Mary’s church, where I started to sing,” said Killingbeck. “They were like, ‘I like your voice. Can you sing a solo?’ I ended up always being the one who sang Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria.’ It was kind of my song.”
Killingbeck made just enough money directing choirs to help supplement family income. This meant celebrating many holidays in mass, Christmas and Easter included.
“I played the organ, directed the choir, sang and everything,” Killingbeck said. “There is a hunger and a commitment. So many people are not willing to give that commitment.”
Killingbeck moved out west to Jackson, Wyoming for a few years. She talked of riding a ski lift to the top of Signal Mountain, where she would play for wedding celebrations.
“I would take my keyboard along, take six big batteries, and clothes pins to hold down the music so the wind didn’t blow it all away,” she said, glancing off into the distance. “It’s been quite a time; I have had quite a time.”
Illness struck and brought her back to the Sault 25 years ago. Fortunately, she took one of the first rooms at Avery Square. It was large enough to accommodate her many books, journals, lyrics and instruments.
One such song is “Love,” written by Emma Killingbeck and Kathy Crane:
“Love, looking out at you through a baby’s eyes. Oh, so long ago. Love, in the Father’s plan. In a lowly land, gave His gift to man. Love, reaching out to you. All you have to do is believe in love. As He chose the twelve, called them one-by-one. Names, he knew so well. Love, walking by their side. There, at Galilee. He said, ‘Come follow Me.’ Love, as He raised the dead, multiplied the bread. Blessed the children with love. As He talked with them, taught them all so well. Just for me and you. Love, when His work was done, and His time had come. Then, the Father’s Son cried in Gethsemane, ‘Take this cup from Me. Yet, thy will be done,’ with love. As He bore our sins that drove the nails in, there, upon the tree. Love, looking down at me through His agony. He died to set us free. Love in a borrowed grave. Yet, He did not stay. Rose in victory and love. All you have to do is believe in His love.”
Love, itself, can often be blind. Men came and went. But she always kept her brown eyes directed toward their maker, seeing her through any and all fears.
She has written many songs and sermons over the years to spread God’s grace.
“The first mass I wrote was called, ‘Mass in Honor of the Holy Eucharist,’” Killingbeck said. “I have written ‘Celtic Mass of Joy,’ and ‘Mass in Honor of the Snowshoe Priest.’ I have written the children’s first communion hymn, ‘I know it’s Jesus,’ and ‘The Man in the Garden.’”
About three years ago, she had surgery. Killingbeck laid bed-ridden, children and grandchildren by her side. She prayed, waiting for the day she would return to mass.
“Fr. Mark McQuesten wanted me to ‘deal with it,’” she chuckled, recalling the retired priest’s advice. “He would say it every time. ‘Deal with it, Emma.’ I am well now, and I am over my surgery. I am going to go back, walk up to him and say, ‘Deal with it, father.’ I know he is going to laugh.”
Killingbeck hopes to surprise Fr. McQuesten at Saint Joseph Roman Catholic Church one Saturday evening very soon. Meanwhile, she will continue playing, singing and praying with Fr. Nick at Avery Square.
“It is an opportunity to reach out,” said Fr. Nick. “I love it. It can be so easy to get into maintenance mode at the parish and just keep the parish running. We also got to remember to get outside of the parish. This outreach and mission attitude is important to foster and nurture as part of the parish life.”
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